It takes a manor to raise a child
by artsygeek9796
Summary: An adolescent noble, a demon butler, an elderly steward, a clumsy maid, a chef who can't cook, a carefree gardener with dangerous strength, and a footman with a dozen snakes around him at all times come across a baby left outside their door...no this is not the start of a joke, but it might as well be.
1. Chapter 1

It was a regular day at the manor. Another broken tea set from the maid slipping on the floors she forgot she had mopped earlier. Another garden filled with bald shrubs due to a certain carefree gardener clipping away at their branches. Another kitchen covered in ashes after the chef felt the recipe called for dynomite. Another incident involving snakes slithering in the vents, causing mice to flee through the halls. Another day that Sebastian had to fix it all.

But today had something special planned for the Phantomhive manor. The chime of the doorbell beckoned the butler to the entrance door. He opened it, expecting a footman or one of the master's expectable unexpected guests. He found no such being. He was about to close the door when a cooing sound alerted him to look down. Inside a woven basket wrapped in a wool quilt was a baby boy, only a few months old. Confused, Sebastian picked up the basket and looked around for any sign of someone who was the one who left the child. No one was found.

 _This obstacle has put me seven minutes behind schedule_ , Sebastian thought as he picked up the basket and headed towards the master's study. He opened the door just a crack, peering into the room where the young master sat in his leather chair, scowling.

"You're late, where's my afternoon tea?" Ciel demanded.

"Young master, you have a...guest."

"Well, bring them in." His glare died as his eyes widened at the sight of his 'guest' on his desk.

"What is this?"

"That is a human child, my lord."

"I know that! I mean why do you have a baby in your hands?!" His face paled as a thought came to mind. "Don't tell me...you..."

The butler's eyes danced with amusement. "I was unaware the young master understood how humans reproduce. It seems there's no need to talk about the birds and the bees then."

Ciel's face burned red as he stifled a laugh. "Relax, young master. The child is not mine. He was left at the doorstep."

"There's a note attached to him."

 _Dear master of this household,_

 _My child is in desperate need of a home. All the orphanages in town are full and cannot take him in. Please look after him. Thank you and God bless you._

"Why would someone leave a baby here?"

"A BABY?!" The servants fell over once the door opened.

"Goodness, what nosy servants you all are. Spying on the young master," said the butler disapprovingly, yet his words fell on deaf ears as the servants surrounded the basket with the child.

"Soooo cute!" Finny cooed.

"He's an angel, yes he is!"

"Congrats, Sebastian," Bard praised as he pat him on the back, causing Sebastian to glare at him.

"'Yes, congratulations Black, says Oscar," Snake translated.

"Don't get any ideas, Sebastian is not the child's father. He was most likely brought here by some prostitute or homeless woman who couldn't care for him. However, this is only temporary. Mey-rin, prepare a room for the baby. Snake, you and Finny will go into town and fetch some items for the child. Bard, lock up all your explosives. We're not taking such a risk with this child here."

"Yes sir!" They scurried off with their tasks.

"As for me, my lord?" Sebastian inquired.

"You are to care for the child, of course."

"Uh...young master?" the butler asked.

"What is it, Sebastian?" he groaned.

"I do not know how to care for a newborn."

"You don't?"

"I never had a need to learn to do so."

"Can't you simply read a book about it?"

"I suppose I could."

"Exactly. It shouldn't be too hard," he said, returning to his work, "just feed him, change him, and hold him when he needs you to."

"How do I know if it's hungry?"

"He'll cry."

"And if it's needs changing?"

"He'll cry."

"...and if it wants to be held?"

"He'll cry."

"...I see."

"Make sure he doesn't disturb me."

"I shall do my best," he said, and with a bow, left the study with the basket in his hands.

 _There has to be a book about it somewhere_ , he thought as he scanned through the shelves of the library. "I suppose these will do," he sighed, carrying a few nurturing books with him to where he left the child...outside the manor's library.

He peered into the basket with little interest, the child's round, rosy cheeks and glistening large blue-green eyes having no effect on the demon's heart. He wrinkled his nose when the baby dribbled and spit bubbles. _Humans find this cute? No, fur soft to the touch and gentle purrs are cute. Slobbering, whining, little humans are not._

He read the books at inhuman speed, once in awhile looking back at the little human, his eyes staring back at him with such innocence. He lifted the child in his hands, unsure what to do with him. _It's not crying so it doesn't need anything, but it's not sleeping. What do I do?_ The child placed his tiny hands on Sebastian's face, pressing against his cheeks and giggling at the face he made.

 _Adorable_ , he thought, rolling his eyes.

•••

Ciel strolled down the hall, taking a much needed break from his work. _Looks like I need to send a new shipment of stuffed rabbits to Paris after dinner._ The distant sound of explosions and the familiar crash of walls left him feeling uneasy.

He paused, the woven basket catching his eye. _I don't believe it..._ He looked inside, and sure enough the child was in there.

"Sebastian!"

Sebastian appeared before him. "You called, young master?"

"Why is he out here and not with you like I instructed?" he asked sternly.

"It did not seem to need my assistance at the moment and I had my other duties to attend to-"

"So you left him unattended?!"

"Was that wrong?"

"He's a baby, Sebastian! He can't be left alone, not even for a second!"

"How troublesome," he sighed, "I shall remember that next time."

"Young master!" Mey-rin squealed with excitement, "I finished the little one's room, yes I did."

"Excellent, bring him to his room."

Mey-rin took the baby boy in her arms and ran off, babbling to the child along the way.

"Sebastian, make sure she doesn't drop the child." He bowed, following after the clumsy maid.

Ciel sighed, bringing a hand to his temple. _What am I to do with all of them?_

•••

He found the room she had prepared, impressed at how it came out.

It's walls had white and light blue striped wallpaper. A wooden crib painted white stood near the window, light flowing in through transparent curtains. A corner of the room had various toys from the Funtom company: several teddybears, a rocking horse, a sailboat, a wooden soldier, and a train. Among a changing table and a small closet was a bookshelf next to a rocking chair on a round rug.

There she was at the doorway, cradling a bundle of blankets in her arms and humming a lullaby when she turned and saw Sebastian.

"Ah, m-m-mister S-Sebastian!" she stammered.

"Looks good," he said, running his fingers across the edge of the chair.

"O-oh, t-thank you."

"I'll tuck the child in," he offered as she handed him the bundle. Sebastian placed him in the crib, unwrapping the many layers of sheets.

"Mey-rin?"

"Yes, Mr. Sebastian?"

"This is just a rolled towel," he said, showing her the non-baby bundle, "where is the real child?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Why on earth did you two buy a pony?" Ciel asked Finny and Snake when they returned, unsure if he really wanted an answer. Here he was, standing outside the manor and greeted by his employees bringing home various things, most of which are not things to get for a baby.

"So he can learn to ride, and become the Rowdy Cowboy! And maybe even work for the queen!" Finny answered excitedly.

"The baby doesn't need a horse! And Snake, why did you get a cage?!"

"'They're very comfortable to sleep in,' says Oscar."

"Your opinion does not count in this matter! Return all of this stuff immediately!"

Ciel moaned, silently wishing that this nonsense would stop. How much logic is required for one to know what to buy for a child? A horse is not the first thing that comes to mind.

He was about to return to his study when Sebastian and Mey-rin approached him, their faces a sign of bearing troubling news.

"Young master, it seems we have lost the child."

"You what?!"

"I'm s-s-sorry, young master! I was about to put him in his room when I remembered the laundry had yet to be put away a-a-and...I'm such a scatterbrain!"

Ciel groaned, finding that he has been doing that a lot lately, and called for the chef. Hopefully they won't have to worry about the manor accidentally starting on fire now that Bard had taken care of it.

"Bard, come and help us look for the baby. You got rid of all the explosives by now, correct?"

"I think so," he mumbled his reply.

"...what do you mean you think?"

"I may have some hidden in the house from the last time Sebastian confiscated them, though I can't recall where..."

"Ugh, that's just great! Sebastian, you are to help Bard locate all the hidden explosives while Mey-rin and I search for the baby."

"Yes, my lord," Sebastian said before he and Bard headed inside the manor.

The young master turned to his maid. "Mey-rin, let's start in the powder room."

•••

"Found another," Sebastian called out, lifting a crate of TNT from under the floorboards.

"Ah, so that's where I put these babies."

 _That's you reaction to finding fifty-two crates hidden in the house? Where do you even get all this from?_ He sighed. _Humans are such confusing creatures._

They carried the wooden boxes to the warehouse and locked them up.

"Is that all of them?" the butler asked.

"Yes."

"Good, that means the manor is safe for the child to be in."

"Not quite..."

Sebastian looked at Bard with such annoyance. "And why is that?"

"We got rid of all the explosives, but there's also the hidden firearms that I haven't touched."

 _What does a cook need with all those weapons in the first place?!_

"...show me where they are."

•••

"He's not in the bathing room!" Mey-rin shouted from the end of the hall.

"He's not in the study either," Ciel mumbled. _Where could he be?_ He peered into the parlor room, where the maid was standing in, sadly looking down at her hands.

"This is all my fault," Mey-rin mumbled, bowing her head, "I should've been more careful. I'm such a klutz."

"Pitying yourself won't help us find him. Let's check the dining room once more."

A shot fired rang throughout the manor.

"What was that?" Mey-rin whispered, her sniper instincts taking over as she stood firmly beside her master.

"It came from one of the guest room," he said.

They ran to the source of the gunshot, finding Sebastian and Bard with several guns in their handss.

"Why is there a machine gun under the bed?" Sebastian asked.

"No one would suspect to look for a gun under there!"

"Unless they looked under the bed and come across it..."

"What's the meaning of this?! I thought you had gotten rid of everything by now!"

"Of explosives, young master. You didn't say anything about firearms."

"I didn't think I had to!" he shouted in disbelief, "there are weapons all over the manor and the baby is still missing!"

Sebastian raised his hand to calm him. "Relax, young master. We've gotten all of them now. Everything will be al-" He paused, his eyes widen slightly.

"What is it?" Ciel asked, following the butler's line of sight to the miniature horse in the doorway. "Finny! What did I tell you about the pony?!"

"They wouldn't take it back. Besides, ain't he cute, young master?"

Ciel could take it anymore, feeling his patience drain out of him as his face burned with frustration.

"There's a horse in my house, guns in all the rooms, and a lost child wandering God knows where! Will everyone just do as I say and FIND THE BABY?!"

"Smile-"

"What?!" he snapped at the scaly footman.

"I-I know where the baby is, says Keats," he answered shyly.

"You do? Where?"

"Tanaka has him, says Emily."

He ran to the nursery, his servants following close behind. Tanaka was holding the child in his arms as he rocked him in the rocking chair. The baby, curled in the old man's arms, was asleep. Ciel let out a heavy sigh of relief. He was safe. All that mattered was that the child was unharmed.

"Mey-rin, put the baby in the crib. Finny, take the pony to the stables. Bard, you and Snake clean up the guest rooms. Sebastian, I'm ready to settle in for the night."

"Yes, young master," he said, escorting him to his room.

•••

"Today was exhausting," Ciel moaned as he flopped onto the bed.

"I'm terribly sorry about the events that occurred," Sebastian said, earning a look of disbelief from the young master, "I'll be sure to take better control of everything."

"I can't believe someone just left their child on my front step. What am I supposed to do with him."

"I'm sure you will figure something out," the butler said as he stripped the boy of his clothes and into his nightgown.

Tiredly, Ciel nodded, burying his face into his pillow.

"Sebastian, watch over the baby during the night."

"As you wish."

He left his master, making his way to the nursery where the child was waiting, his tiny hands reaching towards him.

"My, my. I've never seen a human cause this much trouble like this one," he said smirking, "this should prove to be quite interesting."


End file.
